5thCommandment

When we were children, our safety was a paramount concern for our parents. We had to ask permission to go any place. Knowing our surroundings and being aware of danger was taught to us. Watching my mom slowly become unaware of danger and walk into it was startling.

It started with a scary situation. My mom wanted her independence. She wanted to attend her church, sit with her friends, and travel to and from church on her own. When driving was no longer an option we set up rides for her with a local senior ride service for a nominal fee. After about 2 years it became obvious that she could not ride on her own because she no longer understood the payment. We had no concerns that she would get lost because she rode the van with friends. However, her inability to pay for the ride meant she could not longer be independent.

We started taking her to her church. She still wanted her independence so we dropped her off and then came back early enough so that when the benediction was given one of us was there to pick her up. Then one day the unimaginable happened. Mom was not at church where we dropped her off. She was no where on the church grounds. Just as we went into panic mode I received a call that she was in a location familiar to her very near the church.

Mom’s primary care doctor suggested that I enroll her in a senior group program to give her an activity out of the house. We started with 3 days a week and then moved up to 5 days. She was resistant at first but later became very knowledgable about where she was compared to known locations nearby. Her church was one of those locations nearby.

On the day we could not find her, she had crossed a busy highway and had gone to the center where she had activities every day. In her mind, this was where she needed to be for us to pick her up. The center was open that day, but was closing for the day. The employee found my information and called me. After that, one of us went to her church with her.

We purchased bracelets with identification so that if she ever wandered again someone would know how to call us. Mom had stopped wearing jewelry so she worked hard to remove every bracelet we gave her. We stopped trying to have her wear anything. All seemed to be okay until she decided one day as we were both working in our respective home offices that she needed to go visit my grandmother.

Mom grabbed a pencil and headed out of the front door. My nephew alerted us and my husband walked down the hill and convinced her to come back. Mom had a habit of opening every door so we had to find a way to keep the doors secure.

Wandering is a problem with dementia patients. As they regress, old memories pop up and they think that someone long deceased is alive and in need of a visit. We had to install security locks at the top of the front door and the back door to keep her from leaving. We found the EverPlus locks and ordered on line at Amazon. With the help of a handyman service the locks were installed and we had a measure of comfort that wandering could be prevented. We left the garage door without a lock because if she went out the door she could not open the garage door to leave.

What that meant was we could now not both be gone from the house. Someone had to be with her all of the time. This was somewhat easier during the pandemic but stressful nonetheless.

Her personal safety was an absolute necessity. The door locks helped. There were other issues of safety that we needed to address around her personal care and security of items in the kitchen. I will address those next time.